If I Could Only Pick TEN, These Would Be a Dream!

Anyone who knows me will often hear me refer to my “dream job”. I recently realized that I use that phrase a lot. Sorry about that – I hate overusing phrases.

What I also realized is that my dream job isn’t only one thing; rather, it’s a range of different types of jobs that center around all the stuff that I love. So basically, “dream job” is my dramatic way of describing any work that I could see myself happily doing for many years, even beyond the age of retirement.

Not everyone describes it this way. If you Google the phrase – you know the one – you’ll see articles that dispel it as a myth, telling people to give up on the idea. They’ll say it’s unhealthy to think that way because it’s unattainable, much like how supermodel ads don’t represent an average person. 

Sure, if you take it so literally, then I could see it being detrimental to the soul to dwell on something you’re never going to have. 

But cripes man – chill! If your version of a dream job is one where you have no commute; no paperwork or papercuts; no aches and pains from sitting or standing; no pressure or deadlines, not one thought of any of it after 5:00 (or 4 or 3); people bring you lattes, scones and deli sandwiches every day; AND you get paid handsomely for it all –  then you deserve your disappointment. 

I’m going to say something that I made it my rule to never say to anyone: STOP THINKING AND FEELING THAT WAY!!!

A dream job is one that has elements of your passion(s) – not 100% passion. It balances out the shitty tasks with ones you get excited about. It grows and evolves with you so that you’re not always yearning for a career change. It functions as a welcoming getaway from your non-work problems. It effectively delivers much of your need for a life purpose. It can paradoxically give you energy as your first thought in the morning while also giving you comfort as your last thought at bedtime. It makes you happy.

Try shifting your wording from “what is MY dream job (as if there is only one possibility) to “what are my dream-type jobs”, but basing them on whether they can accommodate your most valued elements, also contain some cool perks, like deli sandwiches, plus do not contain ANY deal-breakers. These might be your possible dream jobs.

Below, I rank my top ten choices for my (saying it again) dream job. But first, here are the criteria for my choices:

• Anything that I could realistically end up doing. So I left out jobs like construction, home services like plumbing and piano moving or other things I wouldn’t be strong enough for even if I did want to do them.
• Not talking about a “yay, every second of my day is magically perfect and dreamy” kind of job. I know that even a dream job has its lousy duties. 

My Top Ten Dream Jobs

1. Librarian / archivist / museum curator

Order, organization, systems…I love those “everything has a place” types of jobs. I can’t seem to make it work at home no matter how hard I try; but at work, I can’t NOT be organized. I especially like the ones where history, knowledge and higher education are the primary focus. 

2. Fact-checker / researcher / think tank

I could totally be that person in movie production who has to research historical and scientific content for accuracy. Did that type of machine exist during that era? How would the blood spatter look on the mirror if the woman was axed while putting on her earrings? Now obviously I’m not a scientist, but to oversee the whole department and consult the right people every day would be a dream.

3. Private Detective

I like this for the same reason as fact-checking – for the love of research, analysis, and deduction. Not to mention the ability to stick my nose where it wouldn’t normally belong. I know that real life detective work is nothing like on TV, but if I consider the comparison of vintage German tea kettles a good time, then I could probably take on whatever the world of real life sleuthing could throw at me.

4. Mom and Pop store owner

One of those book shops where every inch of vertical space is being used so that you need one of those tall sliding ladders for access; and I have to help people find that perfect book for their weird-ass projects. Or maybe a thrift store or gift shop because every day would be different. I’m not against a quaint little cafe either; where instead of regular seating, there would be couches and coffee tables and maybe an electric fireplace.

5. Graphic Designer / web designer

My day would be filled with colours, fonts, lines, shapes and pictures. What’s not to love? And puzzling all these elements together – wah! – all the choices, decisions, options! This would make a lot of people’s brains hurt, but to me it spells F.U.N.

6. Operations Manager

Of something fun though, like a theme park or an Amazon distribution center. Again I like organization, systems and documented procedures at work, especially if I was in charge of the day-to-day stuff. This would be a great fit.

7. Magazine Editor

I’m no Miranda Priestly, but I think it would be so fun to have my people put together a beautiful colourful magazine every month and give my input on what should be changed or improved. It’s like combining #5 and #6 together! Plus deadlines never bothered me.

8. Life Coach

No need for any special training or degree because it’s not a regulated field. There are training courses, though, where they detail the scope and nature of the job as well as teach the necessary strategies for helping clients.

9. Adult Continuing Education instructor

For one of those weird obscure night classes like “How to Be Happy for Others” (actual course at my local University), or “Music of the 70s”. I could teach a different course every few months. People will sign up for anything just to get out and socialize.

10. Writer

I guess I’m doing that now. So far I like it and it gives me a big natural high when I post an article (or maybe the high comes from sheer terror!? I don’t know). Either way, I can see myself continuing this, and other writing, for many years. It really does get easier, as they say –  if you do it every day. Hmm, maybe poetry should be my next thing. Or rapping!

Well that’s my list.

But wait…there’s a…

SURPRISE BONUS SECTION!!!

Every good YAY list should have an opposing NAY list. 

Ok I just made that rule up. But it turns out I enjoy talking about things I hate as much as things I like. So here are my Top Ten Nightmare jobs, over and above your average “Dirty” or “Heavy lifting” job (Big Bold Disclaimer: I would never look down on anyone doing dirty jobs. If YOU are one of those angels – bruh – respect! You are loved and appreciated and probably underpaid.)

My Top Ten NIGHTMARE Jobs

1. Event planner

The job where, even after all your hours of hard work and dedication, all the stars must align or everyone blames you. Sign me up. 

2. Salesperson / Insurance agent

Let’s slide right past the fact that I know I’m not cut out for sales, nor does it interest me in the slightest bit. Let’s talk about the associated stigma. With all the euphemisms and alternate titles like “Brand Ambassador”, “Account Executive”, or my personal favourite “Customer Happiness Manager”, I have to wonder: Is the role that bad that there is such a need to disguise it? I don’t want to find out.

3. Accounting / banking/finance

Just – no. I humbly bow my head in shame. I WANT to like it, and I’ve tried. But it’s boring and I fall asleep. Maybe it all starts to look like sheep after a while when I do all the counting.

4. In-store Customer Service Person for a Corporate Giant

This one comes from experience. I worked at Michael’s for six weeks and it was unbearable. For some reason, they thought mandatory “canned” phrases made for good customer service. It was annoying as hell sounding like a robot every day. I know I don’t enjoy being on the receiving end of this because it’s so impersonal and almost insulting. If I can’t be myself, then I have no chance of giving outstanding customer service.

5. Anything in the world of politics

I’d be too emotional to get involved, so it’s a good thing I’m not interested (not even interested enough to write a little paragraph about it here).

6. Agriculture, horticulture, aquaculture, culturing anything really

I kill every plant I receive and it’s giving me a complex. One plant’s soil should never be dry; another’s should always get dry before watering. One needs mostly sun and another should not be in the sun for more than 2.173 hours a day. What a headache! I don’t appreciate how every single living being is different, and therefore has different needs that I’m supposed to what– memorize? No thank you.  

7. Court stenographer

I feel like I would constantly be interrupting with “sorry, what was that, can you repeat that?” And I’m the type of person that would be so obsessed with the one word I missed that I’d end up missing the next twenty. How do they do it? I hate straining to hear and between the judge and the lawyers, there are too many important people around to fail in front of.

8. Collection agent

The job where confrontation isn’t only a possibility – it’s to be expected on at least half your calls. 

9. Safety / health inspector

I hear it’s rough – to never be able to eat at a restaurant again without begrudgingly spotting every possible violation that could add extra “ingredients” to the food. To quote The Matrix’s Cypher (as he pops a juicy bite of steak in his mouth), “ignorance is bliss”.

10. Any Delivery / Driving Job

There’s road rage, bad weather, breakdowns, oh – and parking! With driving comes the need to park, which leads to circling around, U-turns, illegal stops, and tickets. But the worst part would be having the angry GPS lady yelling at you every day when you inevitably have to defy her directions. 

Final Thoughts

Honestly, if I’m not going to be in any of my dream jobs, then I just want to be in a place,  regardless of the tasks or role, where the people are great and there’s little to no dysfunction.

I dread a job where people don’t have faith in your abilities, they micromanage, or they’re disrespectful. You know those places where the manager has no business being a manager, but she/he wasn’t good at anything else either so they got stuck in that role?  

I like a job where I can take ownership of my role and have the freedom to organize it any way I want as long as the job gets done and I don’t accidently burn the place to the ground (this did not happen in case you are wondering).

I want to know all about your dream and/or nightmare jobs. Let me know in the comments.