Do You Use This Dismissive Phrase When Making Decisions?

I’ve been wanting my own blog for 10 years. If I had been smart, this blog could be 10 years old right now.  I never started because I figured I was not enough of an expert in anything. To me, blogging was just something other people did – important people who have important things to say.  Who am I? Nobody. 

How many times have you thought that way about something or another?  “That’s something other people do”. I don’t necessarily mean actually thinking or saying those words out loud, but rather holding the concept in an unconscious position.

Whether it’s starting a business, becoming a parent, volunteering at the homeless shelter, or going to medical school, this message your inner voice gives you is a real thing, not a flimsy excuse. It’s powerful, unsuspecting and so obviously debilitating that when I realized this was happening to me, I became undone for a while. I was crushed – the thought that I lost out on a lifetime’s worth of experiences I could have had if I had only thought: “hey, that’s cool, I could do that, I should do that, I WILL do that!”

It’s like when you don’t know what you don’t know. It’s innocent and insidious at the same time. And it’s more than a lack of self-esteem too. It’s an automatic dismissal of possible life options without really even thinking. Perhaps our life experiences to date make these options unrelatable. Maybe our upbringings limit us more than we think they do. Most likely we just don’t ask ourselves the right questions.

Ask yourself the right questions

Why can’t I start a business (or insert undertaking of your choice here)? 

• Is it something I want? 
• Do I have any interest in this? 
• Do I believe I would be happy? 
• Can I afford to do it (or not do it)
• Any other question that addresses the decision while keeping in mind your agency and your will rather than ability

(Forget about the “would I be good at that” questions just for a minute). If you answer yes to the questions above, and only then, break down the steps that would get you there into the smallest possible pieces.  Identify the hardest piece and then start problem-solving. Then try to answer “why, exactly, is this only for “other” people? The answer should be because you decided of your own volition that you’re taking a pass on it.

Of course lots of people may be eager to try to validate you by telling you that you’re smart and you can do it.  The cheerleaders of your life may be well-meaning, but they don’t know you the way you do. And they certainly won’t be the ones living with your decisions.

Answers Aren’t Always Obvious

I recently chose to leave a job that I loved due to a restructuring of the position. It was an order desk job that included some accounting and other admin tasks. I loved it because I could talk to my co-workers yet have very little contact with the public. I was in customer service for so many years and I was done with that. It was a temp position and I was asked to convert to permanent on the condition that I start to do outbound sales. For me, this was even worse than customer service because I had to call people up, talk about the products like an expert, and always be able to think on my feet. Sales, for me, was always something other people did. But this time, I considered it in depth (I really did) and asked myself the right questions: 

• Would my job really change that much? Well, yes. There would be this thing hanging over my head that I dreaded doing every day. 
• Would I enjoy coming to work anymore? Nah, see previous answer. 
• Would I get used to it? Maybe, but becoming complacent isn’t my jam in my middle age. 
• What about the otherwise great job that I would be leaving? Well, it sucks but life is full of hard decisions. But I know myself and this was the right decision.

So what did I trade in my dream job for?

While I may be going back to short-term temping, there are new beginnings afoot (at the Circle K, just kidding). 

1. Starting this blog, for instance, is TEN YEARS IN THE MAKING! How sad is that? I’m feeling good about finally starting though. It’s not something only other people do – as long as I want to do it and it makes me happy, then it’s for me too. Who cares if I’m not good at it? That is so low on the list of reasons not to do it. I’ll get better by default with a lot of repetition. Who knew?
2. Speaking of sales, I’m starting an eBay store. Since I love thrifting and finding treasures, I’m learning everything I can about flipping items on eBay. Of course posting products, outlining specifications and writing concise descriptions is not the type of sales that makes me want to chew off my own arm. I asked myself the right questions and went with it.
3. My existing Redbubble store is in the middle of an overhaul due to no sales. I enjoy certain types of designing. Since I cannot draw, I do things like taking a silhouette and creating something from it in Inkscape, or bringing a photograph into Gimp and making it unrecognizable. There is nothing better than learning about yourself and what you love!
4. The fourth thing I’m learning about, but haven’t started yet, is Amazon KDP. Specifically, I want to create low-content or no-content books. Journals, puzzle books, and notepads are things I enjoy in my own life, so it makes sense that with my creativity, I try to make them too.

These four things make me happy and I’m hoping to eventually make a living doing them. Are they something only other people do? Ha! Not anymore! Other people can do whatever they want.