So I was thinking – since I talk to myself on a regular basis, I should interview my own self regarding turning fifty years old. I’m sure this is a thing, right?
My birthday was last June, and I’ve had nine months of being fifty now. So it’s time. Here is the interview.
Q: Do I feel my age or older or younger?
Starting with a tough question, huh? Ok. I feel old when it comes to the “kids today” and keeping up with pop culture. But yet at the same time, I feel clueless with adulting – with fitting in with other people my age. I still think about what I’m going to do when I grow up. Even though I’ve done adult things for over 30 years now (working, marrying, raising kids), I have never gotten that fulfilled feeling that says “yay, I got there”. With my newly-launched handmade jewelry business (yay!), I’m finally feeling optimistic because I’m taking responsibility for going out and getting that fulfilled feeling rather than hoping it comes to me.
So I’m not really sure if I feel younger or older, so I’m just going to say I feel my age.
Q: Did I have a mid-life crisis?
There are mid-life type things that I decided to do – like accepting certain realities, starting new things that I’ve been afraid of before, stopping certain things that I felt were holding me back; but I don’t think any of these were crises. The closest thing I can think of is the panicky feeling I get when I realize I don’t have much time left. I don’t mean time in terms of life expectancy, I mean time for one final endeavor – my last fifteen or so years to finally build something that is mine. If something this great could take years to build, then it’s scary that it’s my last chance and thus I might be overcompensating in my actions. Mid-life crisis.
Q: List all the things that are harder now.
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- Getting up in the morning, like physically.
- Feeling relevant around younger people.
- Looking at myself in the mirror.
- Learning and remembering things (Menopause related).
- Feeling like a contradiction regarding feeling old, yet not an adult.
Q: List all the things that are easier
- I found a new way to take little stressful things out of my life by dealing with them and eliminating the problem. That came with wisdom and it frees up a lot of my headspace.
- Setting boundaries, like saying no when I have to.
- Being myself – that’s what this blog is all about, isn’t it?
- Trying and quitting things and not feeling guilty because of another “failure”. I’m allowing myself to try new things without all the pressure.
- Letting go of the things or people in my life who are not supportive of me.
Q: Am I content with the course of my life?
I love my family and my home, my dog and cat and I have very few regrets, if any. Aside from not feeling accomplished enough, life is swell.
Q: Am I scared to get old?
I am not scared of old age and dying in the strictest sense. I am scared of being alone as an old person, and/or being disabled/sick and not being taken care of. The combination of suffering and being alone is my biggest fear.
Q: What would I do differently?
Like I said, I don’t really have any regrets because that can lead to self-hatred and the spiraling that comes with it. I am the sum of my actions and if I have any chance of liking myself, then I have to accept all my decisions. Every single decision that I’ve ever made is what makes me ME!
Q: How is my health at 50?
There is not a day that goes by that I’m not thinking about improving my health, and these thoughts don’t always translate to action. If they ever do, they’re usually half-assed attempts at being “good”. For instance, I’ll walk for 20 minutes on the treadmill, and then I’ll go have pancakes and syrup for breakfast. Then the next day I’ll bring a salad to work for lunch, but then forget about the exercise. I don’t want to deprive myself of too much at my age, but since I do want to live another 30 years, I should probably find a way to be more consistent.
I also worry about cancer more than I probably should. The worry is giving me wrinkles. No, wait a minute, I’m 50 – that’s what is giving me wrinkles.
The biggest difference about health at this age is never knowing what “new issue” is going to be permanent. When you’re 18, any new pain or injury will go away on its own or with the intervention of a doctor. It’s not even an issue – you KNOW it will. At my age, any new pain I wake up with is a potential rest-of-my-life problem. I started getting jaw pain several months back and when it didn’t go away, I went to see a doctor. The pain remains and I don’t think there’s anything anyone can do. My yawns are probably going to hurt for the rest of my life.
Q: Do you find that people treat you differently now?
As far as strangers are concerned – I got asked if I qualify for the senior discount at the thrift store a few months back. And this is only about five years after the last time I got carded for liquor. On the other hand, last year, an acquaintance at work thought I was in my late thirties and she was floored when I told her I was turning fifty.
But as far as family and friends go; I think it’s all relative (no pun intended) because everyone else is getting old too. I’ll always be my parents’ little girl, barely considered a full-blown adult, much less a post-menopausal woman.
Q: What is on your bucket list?
I have to say, these are not very original questions.
Fine, let’s divide this into categories.
Places to Go:
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- New York City, and then up for a nice tour of New England.
- Montreal
- Montevideo
- The Azores
- England/Scotland
- Scandinavia
Things to Experience:
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- Go horseback riding with my adult kids
- Go whalewatching
- Eat at molecular gastronomy restaurant
Things to Try:
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- Acupuncture
- Supervitamin IV drip
- Sensory deprivation tank
- Cook lobster at home, with clarified butter
Things to Accomplish:
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- Have a successful business
- Make a six-figure income
- Have a following on social media
- Write a book
Stuff to Learn:
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- Pottery with my husband
- Too many crafts to list that I want to learn and try, but pretty much anything and everything related to creativity
- Continuing with CSS, Javascript
- Sign language
- All about herbs so I know what’s under my feet when I go hiking
Social:
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- Gain a nice circle of friends, OR have one bestie that I can be closer with than anyone else in the world.
- Have Ladies Night with my mother and daughter
What is the really ugly side of getting older?
You have to start making the tough decisions (will, power of attorney, burial plot or cremation, DNR) Reader’s Digest Canada has a very comprehensive and structured list here of everything one needs to know.
What is the funny side about getting older?
- Nobody gets your references anymore and you are shocked at how a TV show you thought was so timeless is now a grandma show.
- How fast time passes is so weird. I can hardly believe it’s already been three years since Covid began. It seems like just yesterday that it all started. For a tweenager who was old enough to remember life before the pandemic, it may seem like an eternity has passed since then. There is an interesting article about this phenomenon and the scientific theories behind it here.
- Having it in your brain that people you haven’t seen for decades still look the same as they did the last time you saw them, and being shocked that they’re old too.
What are the coolest things about being fifty?
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- Watching your little kids discover new things and go through every stage of childhood is very special, BUT I am very grateful to witness them pursuing their passions and facing life’s challenges as adults because it is seeing them grow in a different way.
- Self-awareness – you know yourself better than anyone – you’ve seen enough “patterns” throughout the course of your lifetime that give you a kind of a bird’s eye view of everything. It doesn’t mean you’re all set to make great decisions, but at least you know it.
- Being yourself unapologetically is very freeing. You don’t let anyone tell you what your opinion is or what you should do unless you choose to.
What advice do you have for young adults?
Continuing your education after high school is a great way to get your adult life and career started, BUT it’s not in any way the deciding factor to your entire life. Young adults are so anxiety-ridden over choosing their majors because they feel that once they decide, their next 40 years are already written. But if you think of all the factors as a math equation, you’ll see that you actually find your path as you go. Check it out:
1(or 2 or 3) college diploma(s)
+1(or 2 or 3) innate talent(s
+1(or 2 or 3) unique skill(s)
+1(or 2 or 3) form(s) of experience
+1(or 2 or 3) interest(s)
A very personal and individualized path
Only you can walk this path. An outsider (anyone that’s not you) will only see things as an outsider. They will never know you as you do. Some decisions can seem crazy to an outsider. A person can go to medical school and still end up making six figures selling on Amazon and be much happier. Transferable skills, everchanging interests, and growing experience are everything. Your college education or lack thereof is only a fraction of you.
One more thing, make sure you are good to your future self so that he/she doesn’t have to be ashamed of his/her past self.
Q: Finally, what are some of your favourite age-related quotes?
“The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected”. Robert Frost
“Wisdom is the reward for surviving our own stupidity”. Brian Rathbone, Regent
“At 50, everyone has the face he deserves”. George Orwell
That’s it for the questions. Thanks for answering myself. Let’s do this again in another fifty years 🙂
